Koro Kurakku
by Mary Allen
Summary: Poking fun at Koro Q. Basically a crack version of a parody of a comedy. What more to add? Full of stupidity and hilarity. Rated T for Tasteless.


**AN: I never though I was actually gonna share this brain fart with anyone. Until my best friend found it. Prepare a funeral for a couple of your brain cells.**

The sound of evil laughter filled the room with mad cackling.

Nurufufufufu…

„Let´s get to our schoolwork! Starting with whoever´s ready! Come and get me!"

The first and last full group shot in the entire anime where half of the background cast weren´t oversimplified white human figures of all the Class 3-E students was shown. They all charged their homeroom teacher with high-pitched kawaii screams.

„Ow, ow, where are you poking with that sword? Skip to opening! Skip to opening!"

"You have a long way to go before you become heroes, class," said the octopoid teacher to his snoozing students. "You know, saving kittens from trees, saving the entire population from galactic threats, snorting cocaine out of a hooker´s ass-crack..."

Kataoka blearily opened her eyes as she registered the last sentence. "What was that?"

"As I was saying..."

"Like hell we can defeat you! We´ve been playing this game for 15 years yet we´re still at Level 1."

"Yeah, plus we only got these as equipment," Muramasa whipped out a giant Pussy-Destroyer Fuckmaster XXL 3000 dildo and started poking Terasaka in the face with it.

"Even Isogai. From the front, it looks like he has a wicked suit of armor, but he´s only wearing the front half." Isogai was shown wearing his Shrek briefs.

"Maehara-kun, please stop touching my ass."

Maehara quickly retracted his hand.

"Dude, where did you find that Wonder Woman tiara?"

"It´s awesome, right?" laughed Isogai. "I found it in my father´s closet. Together with an oversized Wonder Woman costume, a rope, a ball gag and a pair of handcuffs.

"Uhhh," everyone sweat-dropped.

"Besides, why is it us? Why were we, the 3-E Class chosen to slay the Big Bad?"

"Have you ever looked at the people of this class? With these hair-colors, it´s impossible we´re not the main protagonists of this story."

"Oh, right."

 _ **The obligatory intro scene**_

The Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry The Kunugigaoka School of Magic, where they teach students how to be heroes.

Aaand a little crumbling away campus way up the mountain where they stashed away our loveable protagonists for no particular reason despite them being rather intelligent and no doubt paying a small fortune to be at this pompous prep school.

Except Isogai.

Isogai is broke as fuck.

That´s where a ragtag team of loveable misfits known as Class E shared a secret the other classes didn´t know...

A huge weed patch where their community garden was supposed to be.

Also, their teacher was the Big Bad.

"This will be your new homeroom teacher. He´s a monster. In bed. And outside of bed. I want you to kill him," Commander Karasuma said bluntly.

"I did all of your mothers. At the same time."

Everyone simultaneously facepalmed.

"He´s extremely fast, even as Big Bads go."

To prove his point, the yellow creature vanished from sight, only to reappear in the next moment, holding a sharpie in each of his tentacles.

"I just flew over to the Great Wall of China and drew a NSFW loli on every single brick there, and stopped for a sundae on my way back."

Everyone simultaneously face flopped onto their desks.

"But why us?" Kayano piped up.

"There is only one way to land attacks on this guy. And that´s using your bugs."

"Whaaat?" Yoshida butted in. "But my mom already got rid of my bugs."

"Not these kinds of bugs. With your buggy abilities," their new teacher begun explaining. "You´re all very special individuals. For example, Kayano-chan. Your small chest is a bug."

"REALLY? So that means I´m not underdeveloped?"

"Or you, Okajima-kun. You not being able to throw away any porn mags you find is also a bug!"

"I ALWAYS KNEW I´M NOT A DEGENERATE PERVERT!"

"Sensei, what about me only being able to buy half of an armor?"

"Oh, that´s not a bug. You´re just broke."

Isogai started crying.

"Pssht, it´s okay man, come snuggle here..." Maehara offered a hug only for his balls to be smashed by an armored foot.

"Or how my magic attracts insects?" Kurahashi cried out.

"That´s not your magic. That´s you, smelling like a huge pile of shit."

"Or how I´m never being noticed?" queried Mimura.

"Sorry, who are you again?"

"Or me looking like a girl?" asked Nagisa.

That made the octopus stop for a while. "Hmm, honestly, no idea on that one."

Karasuma cleared his throat. "Anyway, only you can defeat him."

"I will train you to the point where you can defeat me," the creature promised.

"That doesn´t make any sense whatsoever."

"Sigh, I´m just super lonely."

"Have you tried speed dating?" Nakamura started, appearing to be in thought.

"Why, yes, of course. But the name implied that it will be all about speed, and nobody could keep up with me..." The octopoid burst into tears.

"Hey, can we call you Bitch-sensei?" Kayano chimed in, "because right now, you´re crying like a bitch."

"What? No! I´m not crying!" The teacher started cutting the edges of his mouth with a knife he snatched who knows where. "See? I´m always smiling, always smiling! Call me Korosensei, that sounds cooler."

 _And this is where our story starts._

 _ **Intermezzo**_

The author watched the scene with Kunudon whipping the scantily-clad Irina. Then again. And again. She scratched her head, rose from her computer and begun pacing in the room, deep in thought. She realized she couldn´t make the scene any more fucked up than it already is without going into details nobody wants to know and left the scene as it is.

 _ **Tell us, Mr. Principal!**_

Hello, students. Principal Gakuho Asano here.

Apparently, we have a lot of questions from distressed students today. Now, let´s try to address their concerns. Here´s one from ´Weeb Trash´: _I recently watched Boku no Pico. I was disgusted, yet curious, and after a while, my ochinchin started to feel weird. Is it wrong?_

For the love of God, Takebayashi. Actually, I think after Boku no Pico, God doesn´t exist anymore. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. Please kill yourself. I´m ending today´s episode of Tell us, Mr. Principal.

"Class, today we´ll be learning to defeat slimes!"

"Like those big green jumping cubes?"

"Have you been playing Minecraft again, Kanzaki?"

"Maybe?"

"Be carefull, class, they tend to be very perverted."

"Hey, what is such a beautiful lady doing in such a dangerous place?" Yada felt one of her breasts being cupped by somebody else´s hand and turned to see one of the slimes that suddenly appeared, suggestively wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Yeah, don´t you want to get away from this bunch and come home with me?" Yada felt her other breast being cupped and turned to see...

"OKAJIMA?!"

A twinkle appeared in the sky as Okajima was punched into kingdom come.

"Why, I wish you a wonderful day, Big Bad-sama, we saw you came to us with this group of milk jugs on legs, and as a sign of immense gratitude, we thought we´d share some of these magazines with these beautiful, ample, perky assets with you..."

"NO WAY IN HELL!" Screamed Kayano as she punched the dirty magazines out of the slime´s hands. "BESIDES, WHY IS NONE OF THE SLIMES INTERESTED IN ME?!"

"Is that what´s bothering you?" Nagisa asked, sweatdropping.

Soon, the E Class was being chased around by a horde of slimes with Korosensei listing through the dropped magazines. Okajima, who somehow returned, was running together with the slime horde, screaming perversions with them.

Nagisa finally stepped away from where he tried to comfort Kayano. "Sensei, I will give it a try."

Nagisa stepped forward. Guren no Yumiya started playing in the distance and a surge of blue energy shot up all around him, as Nagisa turned into a mightily muscular giant several feet high.

"WHAT THE HELL NAGISA?!" shouted everyone.

"Well, it looks like Nagisa´s bug is randomized. Turns out his effeminate appearance isn´t a bug. Poor boy."

The Nagisa-giant walked up to the slimes and shot a tiny ball of flame from it´s hands. It sizzled and awkwardly died right in front of the slimes.

The giant stopped for a while, pondering about it´s options. Then a light bulb appeared above it´s head. It turned to face the slimes with it´s back, lighted his hand aflame and ripped out an enormous fart, the blaze torching the slimes until they ran out of HP.

"Way to go Nagisa! Your bug showed them!" Isogai shouted.

"Your butt is also showing."

"Fuck off, Maehara."

 _Well, it looks like their misfit mindset has been broken_ , mused Korosensei.

"Sensei, this form isn´t changing back."

"I don´t see why you´re complaining, Nagisa-kun, nobody would confuse you with a girl now."

"Oh, that´s right."

 **AN: I´m not really planning of writing more of this as my attention should be on my Fairy Tail SYOC fic, but I just wanted to share this with you. Hope you enjoyed.**


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